Understanding Anxiety and Depression in High-Achieving Black Women

I spent my 20s doing what I thought I was supposed to do—work hard, achieve, and strive for more. I got the degrees. I built my career. I got married, bought my first home, and had my dream truck before I even turned 30. On paper, I was killing it. I was checking all the boxes, doing what society told me I should do.

But on the inside? I still didn’t feel good enough. No matter what I accomplished, I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Like there was always more to prove. I was constantly on—constantly pushing to excel, to never drop the ball. And yet, I kept going, thinking that if I just kept doing, I’d finally feel okay.

Looking back now, I realize I was dealing with high-functioning anxiety and depression, but at the time, I had no idea. My depression didn’t look like someone lying in bed, unable to move. It looked like me overworking myself, staying busy, and numbing my feelings with productivity. My anxiety wasn’t just overthinking—it was constantly worrying about what others thought, needing validation, and second-guessing myself.

It wasn’t until I became a therapist and had my own experiences as a client that I started to see myself clearly. I wasn’t just struggling with anxiety; I was also battling ADHD, which I never even knew I had. So many things I thought were just “quirks” were actually symptoms I never learned to recognize.

The Reality of Being a High-Functioning Black Woman

As Black women, we’ve been taught to keep going. We’ve been taught to suppress our feelings, to prioritize strength over vulnerability. Many of us were raised differently than our brothers. While they were nurtured, we were taught independence, resilience, and survival. We learned how to take care of ourselves and others, but we were never taught how to be vulnerable.

We’ve been trained to keep moving, keep achieving, keep going, because if we stop, we might fall behind. But what no one talks about is how exhausting it can be to constantly have to be “on.” When you’re a high-achieving woman, you’re expected to have it all together. People look at you and see success—degrees, titles, leadership roles—but what they don’t see is the exhaustion behind the scenes. And that’s where the pressure hits.

For so many of us, staying busy is a coping mechanism. Work is something we can control. We can pour ourselves into it, and for a while, it helps distract us from the weight of our internal struggles. But eventually, it catches up with you. It’s easy to focus on everything around you—your career, your family, your to-do list—because doing that feels productive. But it doesn’t mean we’re okay.

Why Black Women Often Go Undiagnosed or Misunderstood

Black women are often misunderstood when it comes to mental health. We’re expected to be the strong ones, the ones who hold everything together. We’re expected to handle everything that life throws our way without ever showing weakness. But when we struggle with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, it often goes unrecognized.

There are a few reasons why Black women are often undiagnosed or misunderstood:

Cultural Stigma:
In many Black communities, there’s still a stigma surrounding mental health. Seeking therapy or admitting that you’re struggling can feel like a sign of weakness. Many of us were taught to “pray it away” or “keep pushing,” and asking for help can feel like we’re failing. This cultural stigma leads to silence, which makes it harder to identify when something is wrong.

Stereotypes About Strength:
Black women are often seen as “strong” and capable, sometimes to the point where our struggles go unnoticed. We carry the weight of societal expectations and often feel like we have to be everything for everyone. Because of these expectations, our pain and exhaustion are often overlooked. People might see us excelling in our careers or holding everything together at home, but they don’t see the invisible load we carry.

Overlooking High-Functioning Anxiety and Depression:
Many high-achieving Black women struggle with high-functioning anxiety and depression, where they manage to excel outwardly while silently battling their emotions. This type of mental health challenge is harder to diagnose because we don’t “fit” the typical narrative of what depression or anxiety looks like. We’re not lying in bed unable to move or crying every day; instead, we’re working, achieving, and keeping up appearances while internally struggling. This leaves us at risk for going undiagnosed.

The Importance of Recognizing the Signs and Seeking Support

It’s crucial to recognize the signs of high-functioning anxiety and depression, especially when they’re so easy to mask. The pressure to keep moving forward can make it difficult to slow down and really check in with ourselves. But it’s vital to acknowledge the signs and seek help before we burn out.

If you’re constantly feeling like you’re not good enough, even when you’ve achieved everything you set out to do, or if you feel like you’re running on empty but keep pushing through, these could be signs that you’re dealing with high-functioning anxiety or depression. Other signs include:

• Feeling overwhelmed even when everything seems fine on the outside.
• Overworking yourself to avoid sitting with difficult emotions.
• Difficulty making decisions because you’re afraid of getting it wrong.
• Constantly worrying about what others think of you.

If you’re reading this and nodding along, it’s time to stop pretending like everything is okay. It’s okay to not be okay. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of self-care. You don’t have to struggle in silence. There is no shame in taking the steps to heal, whether it’s through therapy, journaling, talking to a friend, or simply giving yourself permission to rest.

How I’ve Changed in My 30s

Now that I’m in my 30s, I’m happier. I jokingly tell people I’m a lazy person—but the truth is, I’ve learned to work smarter, not harder. I no longer define myself by my accomplishments. I’ve learned that:

• It’s okay to be still.
• It’s okay to rest.
• I don’t have to say yes to everything, even if it’s in my area of expertise.
• I’m allowed to say no.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of creating boundaries. I’ve learned that I teach people how to treat me, and it’s okay to speak up for myself. For so long, I suppressed my feelings to keep others from getting upset, but I realized that was just people-pleasing behavior. It wasn’t helping me—it was causing me to feel more anxious and depressed. I can have a voice and express myself, and if someone gets upset about it, that’s more of an issue for them than for me. Setting boundaries is how I show up for myself.

High-achieving women have a hard time saying no. We’re conditioned to put everyone else’s needs before our own. We feel like if we don’t show up, we’ll disappoint people. But here’s the truth: There’s no trophy for burning yourself out. No one’s handing out a special prize for showing up for everyone else while neglecting your own needs.

I know it sounds cliché, but I want to challenge the idea that depression and anxiety always look the same. High-functioning depression and anxiety are real. You can be successful and still be struggling. You can have a career, a family, all the “right” things—and still feel lost inside. And that’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out.

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

For so long, I thought I had to keep it all together, to be the strong one. But what I’ve learned is that it’s okay to admit that I’m not okay. We don’t have to have everything perfectly aligned to be worthy of love and support. I spent so many years thinking I had to prove myself through my career, my accomplishments, how busy I was—and the truth is, that doesn’t make us any less human.

As we go through this series together, I want you to reflect on your own struggles. Are you constantly pushing yourself to do more, even when you’re exhausted? Are you pretending like everything is fine, even when inside, you’re struggling? You don’t have to carry the weight alone. It’s okay to say you need help. It’s okay to take a break.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t have to wear the mask of perfection to be worthy of rest, care, and healing. Let’s take this journey together and show up for ourselves, even when it’s hard.

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Want to dive deeper into this week’s topic? Download the Week One Reflection Worksheet to help you recognize patterns of high-functioning anxiety and start prioritizing your well-being.